The other night while doing some last minute photo editing on a recent session, I found myself digging into old files, where I just so happened to find some of my very first photography subjects.

Shot with Canon EF 18-55mm lens, National Aquarium in Baltimore, Maryland. January 2015.
*Photographer Selena Medrano-Lua*

It was 2015. I was 17 and I had just gotten this big, fancy camera (to me, at least, at the time), the Canon Rebel T3. It was refurbished from a reputable seller online, and I had so many visions in mind. Too many, possibly, and maybe, quite literally. I had saved up just enough from my $7.25 an hour job at the local McDonald’s, so I had to make some use of this thing.

One of my first models, was my teenage best friend Rachael (aka Rae.L, check her out on Spotify and Apple Music and just the internet in general, she’s SO fucking cool).

I can genuinely say she is wholeheartedly the reason I have the balls. to do anything creatively and to this day, she remains one of those reasons. We have grown so much since these days of taking our latest Tumblr aesthetic photos but the endless creativity coursing through our minds remains the same.

At the time, I attempted to shoot proms, cars, events and personal subjects. Then my lame ass boyfriend (at the time, who was into cars but couldn't keep one running) somehow ended up making more use of the damn camera than I did, because I would eventually just convince myself that I was not talented nor smart enough to possess and use this apparatus and just gave up entirely on making any use of it myself.

Shot with Canon EF 18-55mm lens. March 2015.

Photographer Selena  Medrano-Lua

I would graduate high school in 2016 and leave for college after the summer came to an end. I don’t think I touched my camera once until my last semester in college during 2018, when my friends and I needed some high res photos for the fake IDs we were about to order. (We never ordered them and I ended up using a photo taken on my iPhone 8+).

Book: *The God Delusion* by Richard Dawkins

As I reflect now, ten years later, as a 27 year old, I have come to understand the dynamics and circumstances I lived under as a teenager and how much I was pressured to take on so young. There was no room for creativity once I was under these conditions and it made it much harder for myself as a young adult to find myself. While I would not change anything I went through during this time, I offer myself much more grace and love than I did then, because at the end of the day, I am only a human living for the first time.

At the end of the day, I feel pride in myself for the growth that has happened in the last decade, and although there were times that were beyond difficult and seemingly hopeless to get through, the determination (or whatever was left of it) I had helped me get to this point. I couldn't ask for more and it. just makes me even more motivated to keep going, and wonder just how much more awaits in the future.

Con mucho amor,

“I feel so far way…”

Selena